When Love Turns To Pain!!!!

Five years ago I meet a man, in those five years; we feel in love, started a family, got engaged, broke up, fought and ironically five years to the date of us meeting I walked out of a court house with a PFA in my hand, restricting this man, the same man I was once madly in love with from coming near me for a year! Many days and nights I sit and ask myself "HOW DID WE GET HERE?" To answer this question I must take you to the beginning.......see I was never the type of female to claim a man, I grew up around guys, all my friends were dudes, my cousins were dudes and I have four brothers..... seeing they way they dogged out their girlfriends I was determined to never let that happen to me.....so I beat them to the punch! I only messed with dudes who had girlfriends, and if I fucked your man in my hay day........"I'm Sorry!!!" In my entire life two men have had the privilege of being called my man!! The first man was cool, but lawd this second one has given me a run for my fuckin money......He was charming, handsome and SINGLE......so I thought!!!! That should have been my 1st warning sign ......During the early part of our relationship I equated all the drama I was going thru with this man to KARMA! I had done so much shit in my past, it must be payback time! Then he asked me to marry him, said he would change and of course I gave him another chance, because I was fighting for my family!!!! Then the cheating started all over again...... I then came to the realization that it wasn't me, I was everything a man could dream of......educated, successful, fine and not to mention a freak in the bedroom!......I AM the TOTAL package......so why then was this man cheating on me UNGODLY,with D LIST DUCK BITCHES at that! I came to the harsh truth that pussy don't keep a man, neither does beauty. Men have to be able to provide and protect for their women, if they can't do those things, they start to question their manhood. I debate this with men all the time who say they can handle their woman being more successful than them.....LIES! Ego WILL eventually get in the way causing many to cheat with D LIST BITCHES aka the less successful, less educated, less attractive women! Ladies I'm sure you've caught your man cheating with a bitch and said to your self "WHAT THEE FUCK" or you see a fine man with the "NOT SO ATTRACTIVE" female. These are the women men feel like they can control, some of theses women are content to just HAVE A MAN!!!!! I am not THAT woman, i have too much to offer, after a year or so of public humiliation and sheer fukery I had had enough! Unfortunately he was not willing to LET me go! This man who cheated on me,disrespected me, lied to me! Was being given the ultimate OUT and refused to take it,,,,,,i couldn't wrap my head around it! Why did he not want to leave? Men are very complicated creatures, when they feel like they are losing, they go in defense mode..... SHIT GOT CRAZY.....I could not believe that I had found my self in an abusive relationship.....without going into extreme detail, let's just say things got very ugly! Often times when we think of abuse we think of only physical! However, I have learned abuse comes in many forms, mental and emotional abuse can be much more damaging than physical, which is why I chose o share my story. Often times we sit around laughing with our girlfriends and shares stories "Girl, that nigga crazy!" When he REALLY IS CRAZY! We just choose to ignore the controlling behavior and when we finally decide to take a stand it's too late! Take heed to the little warning signs before its too late!!!! Love can bind us beyond measure, please listen to the voice inside of you, it speaks the loudest even when no one can hear it! Be Blessed!!! I AM!!!!!!